"And I lift my hands and pray... to be only yours, I pray..."

Hello again, world! :) It's March!! I'm just flabbergasted how fast this year has gone. It seems like a long time - 8 more weeks until summer, but at the same time, 8 weeks is nothing! Home right now for Spring Break, it's great. Enjoying some serious down time, and got to spend a couple days in Seattle with some really good friends, which was very much needed.

I know I'll blink and it will be May, and I'll be taking finals again. I'm amazed at my own improvement in time management skills -- I was worried that this semester I'd taken on too much and would have to drop a class. Good news is, I won't have to drop anything! Did I take on too much? Probably. I'm recognizing that I overcommit myself as a way to prove myself. Next semester, the goal is to back off in that regard. I need time to invest more in my relationships, and maybe maintain a part-time job. We'll see -- it's still going to be challenging to make myself do that.

I'm going to be living in a suite next year! Honors 435D. It's going to be so great to share 2 showers with only 5 other people, instead of 4 showers with 50 people. We also have a mini-living room and a "kitchenette" which is basically a microwave, prep sink, mini fridge, and a big countertop/built in cupboards. But I can't wait! I'm not going to have a meal plan, so I'll be cooking for myself most of the time. I figured that saving over $1000 per semester is going to be worth the extra time it will take me to experiment and plan meals. I've been letting someone cook my meals for 20 years now, it's probably time to grow up and do it myself. ;) I'll have my same roommate for my bedroom/study space, but we'll share the rest of the suite with 4 other girls. And no, we don't know who they are. I like the mystery of it!

What else has happened... Hm... I guess I can give an update on the mission trip! I got my passport in the mail this week! The United States government has officially given me permission to flee the country. Lol. Which I plan on doing in.... wow, less than 2 months. Preparations for the trip to Haiti are going really well. I've been overwhelmed and blessed by God's provision in the fundraising department -- that was my biggest worry, and so far I am about 80% of the way there! We have our flight itinerary and packing list and everything, just need to get all of my skirts and sandals gathered up! Haha. And buy a one piece swimsuit. :P   Blech...I hate suit shopping.

It's been about 2 weeks now, but I actually got to host Longview friends in Pullman! :D I was so happy to have Brady, Josh, Catherine and Sean over for the long weekend. Like, I've never had anyone but family visit me before, since Pullman is definitely NOT on the way to anywhere. They came over for the last bball game of the season, and then we just did the rest of the college life thing. Idk if they had as good of a time as I did, but it was so fun! I think it's because it's like both of my "lives" meeting in the space-time continuum, you know? This weird place where the past and present meet, and you can imagine what it would be like if they were both in the same place all the time. Yeah... twas awesome. And completely worth the craziness before and after.

The "gang" at the  basketball game

Went to The Vine tonight for the first time since the summer. I've been home on Tuesday nights over Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks, but for some reason other things had come up that weren't skippable. It was good to see that the group was doing really well. We did a small group style discussion tonight instead of a sermon, and talked partly about sin vs backsliding/relationship vs legalism and then vision from God (as in, the "Go to Africa" type callings). Really interesting discussion, and gave me plenty to think about. I really enjoyed the passage from Oswald Chambers that we read and talked about. It was similar to another passage I've got on my wall that talks about how God calls and convicts us each individually about different things, and we can't expect everyone to share the same calling and convictions that we have. Good stuff.

Worshipping crowds at the
Rock and Worship Roadshow

I don't know if I can think of anything else super exciting to blog about right now. I'm cuddled under a nice, heavy blanket on the couch, and everyone else has gone to bed. Pandora is playing worship music, and I'm having a really good conversation with a good friend. I'm pretty happy with where everything is at.

*Only Hope, Switchfoot

"Oh you think that you know me....Baby you don't know a thing about me...."

Enjoying my $2 drink on THam's
student promotion day

That's right people... it's February! Month of Super Bowl Sunday, Single's Awareness Day, red & white hearts, Presidents' Day weekend, and only 29 days (because it IS a leap year, after all!). Basketball season is on the downhill slide, and baseball will just barely be getting started. Guess that means that enough has gone by for a new blog post.  :)

Where to start? Sheesh.... My life has been all over the place emotionally in the last couple of weeks. I don't even know how much of it I should be posting here, and how much of it is just my own personal stuff to mull over. So if I give you too much information, well, I'm sorry. I tried to consolidate, I really did.

Add caption

I suppose the best thing to do first is to get the sappy unnecessary girl stuff out of the way. 2 decades of singlehood! *fist pump here* Well...okay, that won't be official for 9 more days, but let's be realistic. No one in their right mind starts a relationship the week before Valentine's Day. So I will, once again, be celebrating Single's Awareness Day. It's ok. Not knowing any differently means that I rather enjoy my ice cream and chick flick traditions.  When I'm not thinking too hard about it, I find that wayyy less stressful than trying to get all cute and come up with some romantic gift. So no worries there! Plus, after a few things that happened at winter camp this year, the wistfulness that has plagued my heart the last year is gone. Hallelujah! Knowing that you're committing the sin of coveting  and feeling powerless to stop it? Well, that just sucks.

That comment then transitions perfectly into my update about winter camp, I think. See what I did there? ;)  Let me see... winter camp....
It was pretty great. The topic this year was Gideon and his life in the book of Judges. The speakers did an awesome job pulling out a lot of different points: listening to God, humility, being powerless in ourselves, repentance.... I mean, just good stuff. I learned a lot about how much our pride gets in our way. As someone quoted, "Christians need to stop trying to put up a dam in the river of God's will, as if to say 'this work of God passed through me first'." Ain't that the truth! In the long run, it doesn't matter if God worked through ME, all that matters is that God WORKED. Especially as a Corefa this year, I'm trying to be cautious of taking credit for anything that goes on in another person's life. In the reality of it, I did nothing. Saturday night was talking a lot about our own shortcomings. I don't know what came across to other people, but I just felt this need to repent for, well, everything. I remember just walking out  into the side aisle and sitting down. I wanted to have some privacy to just pray and sing in whatever language I needed to, and I don't want my interactions in the Spirit to distract other people around me. So I did. I sat down and just started talking to God. I repented for anything that I could think of, and as I did, the Holy Spirit continued to surround me - stronger than I've felt in a while, actually. As this was going on, I was also asking God about my recent struggles with blessing. I mean, why? I'm overwhelmed with the smooth pathway my life has been on for 20 years now, and have been waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop lately. It even caused me to question how much of a "Christian" I am, not having gone through a lot of trials to prove my faith, you know? I got this vision in my mind of Moses, holding his staff up over the battlefield of the Israelites, and Aaron and Joshua standing next to him, holding his arms up. I felt like God was calling me to hold up the arms of Moses. That's what he wants me to do, at least in this season. How I interpret that? Be there for the other leaders on the front lines. Be steadfast, encouraging, and available to support them. And seek no credit for yourself.  For to whom much is given, much will be required. So I'm going to make that a focus of my ministry within the body -- encouraging and supporting those who are fighting the battle as leaders. That wasn't the only word I received...but the second one, I think I'm going to keep to myself for a while. It's not one that the whole cyber space really needs to hear my interpretation of, at least not yet.

One of these days, I'm supposed to be hosting some peeps from Longview up here for the weekend! And frankly, I am so excited! :) We only have 2 more home basketball weekends, and the idea would be for them to come up here for a game, Resonate, and touring of Pullman/WSU. I'm trying to plan everything out in my mind. Lol. The sooner the better, if you ask me! The downside is, it means I have to constantly be on top of my homework because there won't be much advance notice as to when they'll be here. The upside is, I'll always be caught up on homework! Haha.

Another fun fact...I won the "guess the final game score" for the Super Bowl today! 21-17. Giants. That's right. And they think I don't know my sports! Okay...yes, some of it was just dumb luck.

Well, it's almost midnight and I still have some math homework to get done before tomorrow morning. *sigh* Why can't we have Mondays off every week? That'd be perfect.

G'night!

*Mr. Know It All, Kelly Clarkson

"He will not delay...my refuge and strength always...I will not fear, His promise is true..."

Our tree this year

Welcome, 2012!

It's supposedly the last year of the world according to Mayans. Not like I agree with any of that hype, but still kinda cool to think that I'm living in that year. Man, 2012. I've been alive for parts of 3 different decades! Life goes so fast.

The ladies who went to
the bachelorette party

I've had an awesome time at home for Christmas and New Year's. Leaving tomorrow morning (well, technically this morning) to go back to Pullman and start off the new semester. I'll be at the first 3 days of classes and then it's back on a plane for Alison's wedding!  Craay-zee! I'm looking forward to it a lot though, and hopefully by my next blog will have some pictures to post. I get to pick up their wedding present from me on Thursday. I won't say anything spoiler-ish...but I hope it works out like I planned it. It's funny the social events you don't quite know the etiquette for until you're there. Being in the wedding has been one of those, but I'm learning! And did I mention excited? And amazed? :)

Family Cmas Card Pic

Christmas was really cool this year. Very chill (except for the part where Bubba picked up the wrong suitcase at the airport... :P ) and a lot of quality family time. The older I get, the more you realize how expensive Christmas is! After buying gifts for as many people as I did, and not a lot of expensive gifts at that, I am overwhelmed by the generosity of friends and family who buy things for me. You know...I'm just overwhelmed by generosity in general. I'm struggling with that lately, with how to accept all of the free gifts that God has given me.  It's so hard to think about how easy my life is compared to people everywhere! From across the world to my brothers and sisters in Pullman, there are those who have had so many struggles and challenges. I don't understand why God hasn't asked me to walk through those, and I don't feel worthy of the "free ride" that I think I have had. Everyone's different, yes, and has a different story to live, but that seems like such a cop-out answer to what I'm thinking. And then, when struggles DO come, is that because I'm in trouble?? Or because it's finally "my turn" to suffer? I don't know how I'll rectify that in my head. God's been so good...and I just can't fathom it. My natural reaction to that is to feel guilty! But I'm not called to a life of guilt and shame! *sigh* Issues...

Brady in his snazzy new car

This coming semester is going to be hard. Not gonna lie. I'm looking forward to the next chapter, but I also forsee a lot of stress. I'm going to have to be a better time manager and studier than I ever have before. My friends and family need me, my school work needs me, the world needs me, I need to have time with just me and Jesus... And I'm also feeling convicted about being "too busy". I'm a chronic over-committer. If I'm asked, I can't say no, so I just make a litttle more room on my plate. Even God took a Sabbath, though! I'm wondering about doing that this semester, or at least trying to. Working super hard all week, and then having everything done by Saturday night so I can spend Sunday doing nothing "work" related. Still praying about that, but it sounds really awesome as of right now. It's going to require some habit changes though. And those are always hard.

I know this is a short entry, but it's late and I have to get up early in the morning to catch my flight. I'll try and update again soon to make up for it. Thanks for being there, blog-o-sphere!

* Always, Kristian Stanfill

"Look now for glad and golden hours come swiftly on the wing....oh, rest beside the weary road, and hear the angels sing"

Home-made Christmas cards!

And here we are again....it's "Dead Week". *cue ominous music here* Thankfully, I seem to still be very much alive! ;) My first final isn't until Wednesday night, which means I'm tricking myself into believing that I have more study time than I probably do. Oh well, what's college without a few all-night cram sessions, right? Jk. I have yet to pull an all-nighter in college, and frankly, have no plans to do so in the near future. I have 5 finals, but 2 of them are take homes, so basically I only have 3 to worry about. Good stuff.

So much has happened in the last month, it's a little hard to know where to begin and what to write about!
I'll start by saying that the Chi Alpha Christmas service last night was awesome! :D I'm not even sure what it was - the acappella guys version of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch", Steve's reading of the Dr. Seuss story, Danica's gorgeous painting, or all of my brothers and sisters circled around Kimbrough 101 singing Christmas carols. Some combination of those just moved me. I honestly just couldn't stop smiling the entire night...almost got to the point of tears. Weird how a room filled with God's presence just makes you want to shout with excitement and fall to the ground at the same time. Last night was one of those moments. I suppose it's partially because I've been processing the concept of God's blessing for awhile now. Why on earth do I have so much? I look at all of these fantastic people that I am surrounded by, who at the same time have gone through so many struggles, and wonder why I have been lucky enough to avoid them. What's God's reason for putting me in this "bubble"? I know it's not like I am waiting for the shoe of judgment to drop, but sometimes I feel like I should be. At some point, shouldn't I have trial? And there we were last night, with all of our different walks of life, just singing about the miracle of Christmas and the reason that Christ was born in the first place, and the room was full of such joy I wanted to explode! *shakes head* I know I'll be working through those questions for a while.

Goin to camp...8th grade, maybe?

In other news, I hit 20, and I'm officially all grown up now, I guess. I've been asked to be in a wedding in January! I can't believe I'm old enough to have "married friends"...but I suppose I am. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited! She's probably one of my oldest friends, and I was so honored when she asked me to be involved.  :)  And yes, I got to meet him over Thanksgiving Break. I don't know him super well, but I like what I've seen, I like what other people have said, and I know that it would take a special guy to catch her attention. So yes, even though my approval is not required, I approve.  ;)  Hopefully I'll have more details and pictures for a future blog entry. Right now, I'm still working to finish the semester, and then I'll have more time to think about and process the whole thing. But it's new news, so, hey! Gotta blog it, right? Okay, weird tangent -- right now I'm listening to Pandora radio, and that song "King of Majesty" by Hillsong is on. It always reminds me of summer camp...with aforementioned friend. Heehee. There's a life-comes-full-circle moment right there.

Last blog entry I mentioned some exciting news that I couldn't talk about at the time. Well, details have all fallen into place, and so now I can! *drumroll* I'm going to HAITI!  :D  It'll be my first mission trip, and I'll be going with a team of other XA members for 2 weeks this May. Haiti is also one of the few not-France French-speaking countries, and I'm thrilled that 4 years of foreign language study will get a chance to be used. My next French class is called 'Speaking and Listening', and so hopefully that will prepare me to have some sort of usefulness while we're there. Aside from the fact that they speak French,  our family has also sponsored a girl in Haiti for several years now. She's my age, and so it's almost like we have "family" down there. The odds are still slim, but I could possibly arrange to meet her! All those "selfish" details aside, I am so thrilled to be going. It's a major step of faith -- we have to fundraise our trip costs, and I know that unless God brings the money in, it won't happen. So I'm trusting good things to happen, and expecting that I'll have a testimony once that process itself is over. Anyone who feels led to support me financially... let me know and I will gladly get the information to you! And of course, I would appreciate all the prayers that you can send. Both for myself, the team, and the people that we will be working with in Haiti.

Almost Christmas... :)

So yeah. That'll be the first part of my summer, followed shortly after by my little brother's high school graduation. Crazy stuff, man! Only ten more days until I'm home for Christmas! I just have to finish strong....four exams, a presentation, and a smattering of homework assignments to go. *sigh* "I think I can, I think I can..." Looking forward to getting home and taking some down time. I'm not taking any classes over break this year, which should be nice. Breathers are good.  :)

Okay....time to stop the procrastination and go do work now. Peace out, blog-o-sphere!

*It Came Upon a Midnight Clear, traditional

"I don't wanna mess this thing up.... I don't wanna push too far...."

Hey there world! :)

Well, it's been a month, so I think we're due for a new post. I'm sitting downstairs in Cleveland, drinking my white chocolate mocha, enjoying the fact that I have an extra hour in my morning today. It's hard to believe that Thanksgiving break starts in less than 3 days! I'm pretty excited. It's going to be busy, but a good kind of busy. November has really flown by. Dad's weekend was last weekend, so the family came up for a few days. Good times hanging out with them - though I must confess, I feel a little sorry for my poor brother, who's probably sick and tired of coming over to Pullman ever couple months. He's a trooper, that one. ;)  I'll return the favor, though....once he's at school somewhere exotic. What a burden it will be to visit him in Hawaii, right?

What else is going on? School wise, this week turned out busier than I was expecting, but I guess that's fair. It wouldn't be nice for everyone else to be stressing about tests when I just got to coast through. I only have one exam this week, and the rest is just a lot of homework and paper-writing stuff. But I made my official pre-break to-do list, which means that my motivation now is to keep crossing things off! Tonight I need to finish a history paper, a math lesson, and meet up with my T&L presentation group. Oh, and trying to eat everything in the fridge that might go bad between now and December. Wow -- December! It's so insanely close! We're lucky - there hasn't been any signs of serious snow in Pullman yet, and I'm good with that. It's not invited until after Thanksgiving, and even then, Snow and me have a love-hate relationship.

All the Northside core girls 

Our core finished the Operation Christmas Child outreach project - the girls did an amazing job! It was XA wide, but we "sponsored" it. The goal was 12 boxes -- we did 13. Awesome. :) I'm taking them to the drop off today.

Random tangent: I'm old! Gah! My birthday is tomorrow, though frankly, I haven't given it a whole lot of thought. I've already been blessed to get a card and a package in the mail (no, I haven't opened them yet!) and I'm going to be spending the day doing various things with my friends/family (not birthday things, just social things). So it'll be a good day, I think. :) I'm at that point where I feel like I enjoy keeping my birthday kind of secretive. Not because I don't want people to know the date, but just because I don't want them to feel like they need to say or do anything. In the grand scheme of life, it's not that important. Though I am turning 20, I don't feel nearly old enough or mature enough to carry that age. Maybe someday I'll feel ready to be 20....my guess is about the time I turn 30. haha.

Workin' my new WSU sweatshirt!

I've registered for next semester, and it's going to be insane. I'm taking a full load (18 credits), as well as a lot of other outside-of-class things. Realistically, I also need to find a job, or some source of income, just because I can't keep spending money without saving more. Especially since there are some exciting things on the horizon for the summer. I'll write more about that when I have more liberty to speak about it, but when I found out last night, I nearly started crying with excitement. That's a story for another blog entry.

Alright, well, not much other news as of right now. I have class in 10 minutes, so I'd better start packing up my stuff. Hopefully by the next blog entry, I can title it with some Christmas music!!! :D

*Just A Kiss, Lady Antebellum

"With what we have... I promise you that... we're marching on ..."

For those doubts that swirl all around us,For those lives that tear at the seams,We know,We're not what we've seen,
For this dance we'll move with each other.There ain't no other step than one foot,Right in front of the other----------------------------

Hey blogosphere! Long time no see!
:)
And yeah, it really has been awhile since I've written. The life of a college "sophomore" I guess...just going nonstop. The last month has just flown by -- I still can hardly believe it's already mid October. I loved college last year, but it definitely improves once you get past the freshman awkwardness. College when you know what you're doing is waaay better. Haha.

Definitely settled into a good rhythm, balancing school, fun, and Core leading. Classes are all awesome this semester, I actually want to know what we're learning about, which makes studying and homework so much more fun! It's encouraging, feeling like I am still on the right path. Even my honors class about evolutionary biology has been a great experience. I was blessed with an amazing professor who knows how to keep from stepping on the toes of Christians too much. Granted, there have been challenges I've had to rectify in my spirit, but I went in expecting that. And our exams are in a group format, so I don't feel the pressure to write about what I don't agree with. Apparently the post-exam evaluations from my group were really good though - I talked to my prof after class today and she told me that I got really great reviews from my group members, which was encouraging. :)

On the social front, it's been good. I've seen a pretty specific shift in friend circles from last year, both people who are at home and people here. But I'm also okay with it. I've learned a lot about relationships and I've started to become more comfortable with making new friends and being the initiator in those situations. Crazy, huh? But I like this new side of me. I'm less "clingy", I feel like. Not only do I know how to make new friends, and how to maintain a purposeful relationship, I've become more comfortable leaving people in God's hands. If they don't want to be my friend, it's less of a personal offense. Idk, stuff like this is hard to explain in writing. *shrug* Doing great with my roomie. It takes a month or so to get things figured out, but we've hit a really great stride and I like the environment it's become.

I feel that the older I get, the more aware I am of how far I have to go in maturity. That's something that God has really been teaching me over the last few months. I think of myself too highly, and I think that I know what God's timing is. As we learned at XA Fall Camp, sometimes we have a microwave mentality when it comes to God's timing and our prayers/desires. In reality, we need to have a farming mentality; it's a process that requires patience and every step is important. There are things that I really want, and I've been learning that I won't get them until they're no longer priorities in my thought life. I have to be oriented towards the Father's heart first, and then eventually, He'll bring me what I need without my even realizing it. But I've got a-ways to go before Jesus is the only thing on my mind. I'm trying, I am. But my humanity can be such a roadblock sometimes!

Baby pumpkins! :)

I'm pretty tired tonight, so I guess that's all the updating that will come for right now. Keepin' it short and sweet. Haha. :) Fall's starting to come to Pullman, all the leaves are turning. It's gorgeous, though I don't really relish the idea of 30 degree temperatures and snow being right around the corner.

I don't know why the song for tonight's post is stuck in my head, but it is. And for some reason, the sentiments just resonate with me. Keep marching on... through everything that happens... through good and bad... using everything we're given ... and just keep marching on.

*Marching On, One Republic

"Am I really something beautiful? Yeah, I wanna believe...wanna believe that..."

One month down! Well, four weeks...but for all intents and purposes, that's the same thing. Haha.

So far, classes have been good. I mean, it's a lot of information every week that I need to be covering. And we haven't gone through our first round of midterms yet, so I'm still in the "coasting" phase. I've got basically only classes that relate to my majors/minor, which makes it so much better. I actually enjoy reading my textbooks this semester! :)

My roomie and I are doing really well. It's a different dynamic than it was last year, and I'm still learning how to read her, but I know we're going to have fun living together this year. I've seen my last-year's roommate several times since the year has started, which is great. Honestly, she became one of the best friends I ever have had, not really because we are so similar (although in many ways we are), but because we grew so comfortable being totally honest. After the somewhat overwhelming experience of moving away from home for the first time, we both needed a way to feel "home" at school. So, at least on my end, I never tried to hide anything. Yeah. I was really blessed.

Our small group this year is going to be an...interesting...experience. Haha. It's been really inconsistent so far, who's been coming. And last week, all but one person had an "excuse" to not show up. It's just funny, since I'm just doing this for the very first time, I don't know how to approach the awkward situations like that yet. This is going to be a big year of growth for me, leadership-wise. I'm very grateful for the Chi Alpha family, and I'm grateful that I have a place this year where I feel "needed". That was so weird, last year, never feeling like I had a role to play, in anything really. I notice, even in my friendships, that I'm more committed now that I know someone wants me to be there. The girls in the leadership team are amazing, and I hope that we will get to know each other much better over the next few months. Plus, the freshmen who have been getting involved are super fun. I like hanging around with them when I get the chance.

On Sundays, we started a series at Resonate called "Uncommon Sense: For Love, Sex, and Dating". Let me begin by saying, if you are a human over the age of 15, you should go to the church website and watch the videos of the messages. So far, sooo good. Last week was a message directed towards men, but there was still a lot that the women could get out of it. The older I get, the more respect and admiration I have for the guys who are living life the right way. I'm super proud of my brothers. It's easier this year to feel like I have at least the beginnings of guy friends, which I have missed so much. Nothing more than that (which is another entry in and of itself), but that is alright. Girls just get boring after awhile. Haha. I think this sermon series is going to be awesome, though. It's ministering to me a lot where I'm at, and has been helping put things back in perspective. Anyone who's been single for any period of time knows how the wistful thinking comes in waves. The first few weeks of school, I definitely was riding one of those waves. It's calming down, and I'm happy about that. Emotionally, I don't like having to go through the day that high-strung.

I've got laundry ready to be moved to the dryer, so I'd better finish up this entry so I can go to bed before it gets "too" late. We had some hilarious (slightly tipsy) people stop by tonight at like 11:45 - I got to teach a guy how to take his earrings out. He and this girl who were with him had apparently been asking several different people to try and help get his earring out. It was the same kind of post that I wear, so I could do it without any problem. They were astonished. ;) Pretty funny.

Not much else to say....Lion King is being released in 3D in theaters on Friday!! I'm excited. :D And me and Brianna are probably going to drive to Spokane or Lewiston in order to watch it. College road trips, bay-beee!

*Someone Worth Dying For, Mikeschair