Soul Collisions
It’s on nights like these
Nights when I’ve been up too late, worked too hard
Or not hard enough
It’s those times when the week has been almost too good
When I’m almost able to imagine what Earth was supposed to be like
Harmony, honesty, love…..communion with You
That’s when the doubts start to creep in
And the questions
It’s the questions that are the worst. Because they don’t have any answers
There’s no clear-cut yes, or no.
You don’t provide us with an agenda of our lives upon birth.
You don’t give us to-do lists, or calendars.
People say that the Bible is a road map, but honestly, Lord,
Sometimes I don’t even know what highway I’m on.
So here I am. Hoping and praying that the road I’m trying to follow
is actually the one that I am on.
You told me that You’d be with me.
Time and time again, You prove Your faithfulness
And, God! You always show up!
You never fail to provide. You never fail to overwhelm me.
I look behind me and see all of the places where You were.
Places that I didn’t think you had plans for? Surprise!
They say hindsight is 20/20. My hindsight shows that Your timing is always best.
Why then are you so full of distrust, oh, soul?
Why do you fill up with these desires, these thoughts, these attitudes
That are not from God?
Why do you continue to run to the safe place of your sin?
Your Father is there! He has proven Himself to you.
And still, this heart struggles to believe.
It fights away the feelings of doubt. Of worry.
That maybe this time You forgot about me.
After all, I am so small. So insignificant. So unworthy of notice.
There are places inside that ache. There are holes that aren’t filled.
All the temporary band-aids that I slap over them never last.
I want to cut this darkness out!
I long for the day when this flesh no longer holds me back.
Seek strength in Me, You say. Find your identity in who I say you are!
Father, I long to be at that place.
That place where my worries of what, and when, and how all disappear.
That place where I can sit at your feet and find complete satisfaction.
That place where inside me burns a constant desire to know you more
That place where I am willing to bare my life before you
And have you know me.
Lord, be the strength for this battle.
I am so weak. So frail. So filthy compared to Your holiness.
I can’t do anything without you.
I can’t find answers to the questions that haunt me.
I am not satisfied by the solutions the world gives.
But Jesus, eventually, I just want to stop looking for solutions.
Help me not to give up.
Let your faithfulness override my foolishness.
Speak into my spirit. As my Counselor, my Friend, my King, my Lover
Stand by my side.
For I thirst for your companionship. I desperately crave your presence.
And nothing else can satisfy this soul.
*The Hurt and the Healer, Mercy Me
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