"And here we go...there's nothing left to lose..."

"So I packed my car and I headed east
Where I felt your fire and a sweet release
There's a fire in these hills that's coming down
And I don't know much but I found you here
And I can not wait another year
Don't know where you're coming from but you're coming soon"

"Cause if she wanna rock, she rocks...if she wanna roll, she rolls..."

It’s June! Crazyness! Or…craziness. My bad. I’ve almost been home for a month (One month will be Sunday.) and it feels like a year and a week both at once. I guess I have some backtracking to do…

My car on the drive home

I moved out of Regents Hall on May 6^th, 2011. It was so hard, watching this little room that had really become my home suddenly demoted to a stoic, personality-less place. It was harder saying goodbye to the person who helped make it that way. Not gonna lie, I had to sit in the parking lot in my car (which was full to the brim of my stuff) and just cry for a few minutes. And I know that Alma and I are still friends – it’s not like you’re never going to see the person again – but it’ll just be a different dynamic. I miss having her around to talk to and hang out with. We did catch up one day last week in Vancouver, which was really nice.  Looking forward to her coming to Longview soon.

The reason I left Pullman so quickly is because I had a job interview at Macy’s on May 7^th. Spoiler alert – I GOT IT!  :D Yay! I felt like the interview went really well, seeing as this is the first job that I’ve had to “apply” for. My high school job just kind of got dropped in my lap – awesome for the resumé, but provided little apply/interview experience. I’m so blessed to have gotten this job, I know. Though to my credit, I’d been sending out applications and cover letters for probably six weeks prior to summer. I’m working as a “flex team” associate, which basically means that I fill in any shifts that haven’t been picked up by the regular full-time associates. It’s rather unpredictable as to when and what department I’ll be working in, but I don’t mind that really. And I’m having a ton of fun! It’s challenging for me, because I prefer not to be as extroverted and sometimes pushy as this requires, but I know it will have a great impact on my people/professional skills for the future. And there is also the possibility that once summer is over, I can transfer my position to the Macy’s in Moscow, which would mean I could have a job during the school year. Plus, flex-team associates are only guaranteed 40 hours in a quarter, which basically translates to the minimum I work is one shift a week. Not bad. 

I’ve been trying to jump in feet-first to some ministry stuff around Longview/Kelso. There’s a college-age church called The Vine, which I have been starting to go to on Tuesday nights. That was one of my spiritual summer goals – to find a college age group and do my best to get involved in encouraging them. I like it quite a bit, though I don’t know a whole lot of people there quite yet.

In regards to other social stuff, not gonna lie, the whole friend situation can be a little weird sometimes. People who I want to see more often are either not home yet or gone most of the summer, so I’ve spent a lot of time just hanging out by myself. I don’t mind hanging out with myself, but I just miss the constant interaction with people. And some of the people who are in town haven’t seemed very interested in catching up with me…not to make it sound like I think I’m the coolest thing in the world, but just to say I am a little hurt that they’ve gotten so comfortable “not” being as good of friends. I’m starting to move on now, but the first two weeks? I was so ready to go back to Pullman and see all the people there. All my friends there. And yes, I do consider them my friends now. I’m trying really hard to move past my shyness in regards to developing relationships. I’ve recognized that a lot of the time it holds me back because I’m so scared. I need to not be.

I did agree to be a Core Facilitator for ChiAlpha next year. I’m excited to finally have a ministry role at WSU. After growing up in the church and constantly being in positions of service and leadership, I felt very lost last year just being a “follower”. One more way God was affirming my gifts, I guess. So yeah, I’ll be co-leading a small women’s group as well as doing a bunch of other random things to help the Body there. It’s going to be new for me, because as much as I feel called to leadership, I’ve never lead anyone in a spiritual sense before. I need to focus on getting as good with God as possible this summer so I will be in a place to help my sisters next year. Part of how I’m going to be doing that is going to SICM – which is the Student Institute for Campus Ministry in Bellingham, WA. Basically, it’s a one week conference for college students who want to learn how to be leaders on their campuses (campusi?). I’ve heard amazing things about it, and it’s apparently attracting people from all over the country. I know how much that is going to stretch me, but I’m also really excited. There can’t be anything better than spending a week learning how to do what God wants, surrounded by other Christians who are doing the same thing. Just sayin’.  

So overall, I’d say that summer is currently running about a B/B+. But hey, I’m queen of the optimists! I have faith in an “A” summer. It can happen!

Finding some wifi! :)

Until next time, ya’ll.  :D 

*Rock and Roll, Eric Hutchinson

"Mama once told me...You're already home if you feel love..."

Woot! Final week of the school year!  :D  But it's been a little bit of a bittersweet weekend. In all honesty? I'm not really wanting to move out yet. I love my little hovel here in Regents Hall. It's a crazy life that this year has been, but I really like everything about it. And now, Pullman is bringing out the beautiful sunshine, and the scenery that is just not even comparable to anything anywhere else in the world. God's doing crazy stunts with the sunsets.... and I'm just happy. I wish we had an excuse to still be here for a few weeks without the stress of finals or anything. The good thing is, I am really looking forward to spending a lot of time driving to Seattle/Vancouver/Portland to visit people this summer, and I hope that some of them will venture to the not-as-touristy city of Longview and see me too! *wink, wink* I've been slowly packing my stuff up and loading my car, just a little at a time. I don't think I could do it all in one day. Taking baby steps helps me to transition out of living here so it won't be quite as emotionally up and down on the actual day of.

I know once I get home, and start feeling like I have  a place there again, I'll be more in the summer mode. But Longview seems a little foreign right now....I don't know what my routine will be or what I'll be doing for the next 3.5 months. And that's such a big chunk of time that is unaccounted for! All I know is that I want to get a job and find a college-age group (both big challenges in that area of the world).

As I'm staring at my "semester checkout sheet", courtesy of the residence hall association, I can't help but feel a little nostalgic. This time last year, I was putting finishing touches on my (ok, bragging a little) valedictorian speech, feeling amazing during golf season, proofreading the yearbook for the billionth go round, and freaking out about leaving my comfortable bubble. And here I am, now a one-year alumna, and a whole new batch of seniors is getting ready to move on (though not necessarily move out, I realize). To them: I advocate 150% that if you can, get out of town. Not because it's a horrible place, because it's NOT. But because there's no better way to explore who you are than by leaving everything that defined who you were. 


Okay, speech over. This blog, really, is for the superficial stuff too. I was one of those nerdy types who made a color-coded, categorized list of what I was taking to college. But I realize that not everyone is going to do that, so I'll give you guys the quick "do" and "don't" packing suggestions from someone who's been there. And a sidenote: research as much as you can on the room you'll be living in and the rules that your school has. Because I know there's a lot of variance.
Do:
       - Invest in appropriately sized tubs. Not giant rubber-maids, but clear storage bins. They come in all kinds of sizes, and you can use them for everything! Groceries, dishes, extra toiletries, snacks, scarves/hats, you name it. You don't have to worry about keeping them orderly, and at the end of the year, that's one less thing to try and pack into a box - they're already in a box!
       - Buy plenty of removable wall hangers (aka: Command strips). You'll always think of new reasons to use one.
       - Invest in a bed set/mattress pad/pillow that you actually find comfortable. As long as it fits a TwinXL mattress, it will be worth the extra few bucks for something that helps you sleep as opposed to the simple bed-in-a-bag set. Not knocking those, just be sure you can actually sleep well with just that.
       - Pack as many comfy pairs of tennis shoes as you have. The more the merrier! Unless you're joining a sorority or majoring in business/communications, there aren't going to be occasions for 12 different pairs of heels. One or two is plenty if you're going to be walking to class everyday.
      - Febreeze and a wax warmer. Every room wants them. Inevitably, the garbage, the hall, your closet, or the outdoors will have an odd odor that seems to cling to your room. Febreeze is great for the quick fix, and a candle warmer that operates on a lightbulb not a flame will keep the room smelling good. They're safe, and you can switch out the wax once the old scent melts away. Though most schools say they're "technically" off limits, after the first week, nobody will be snooping around in your room. Just put it in a cupboard when you leave for break.
       - If you have room, a nightstand table or personal bookshelf is great! I got mine for like $20 and it keeps movies, books, my clock, and all the random stuff that just needs a place to accumulate.
         - One of those electric hot-water heaters. They're awesome for making tea, coffee, macaroni, all kinds of random things.
        - A heavy-duty microwave safe plate, bowl, and mug. I'm talking something ceramic, here. As long as you don't plan to drop them from a five foot cupboard, invest. The lightweight plastic ones are great for some things, but most of them aren't microwave safe so they'll warp if you try.
       - Get at least one power strip/extension cord and a few of those outlet multipliers (the things that turn one into two or three). Outlets are in weird places, and not always accessible depending on where you put your furniture. Not to mention, when you add up all the things that need to be plugged in at any given time, you're going to want some spares.

Don't: 
       - Fall for every single "college student needs" item. Summer and fall, there are tons of products being advertised that you won't actually use, or at least need to evaluate if you would. There are others that, while colorful, are a cheap and breakable version.
       - Bring originals of your favorite pictures. Make copies of the ones you like the best so that it's okay if they get bent, fade in the sun, or you need to poke holes in it to put on a bulletin board. And only bring  a few things in actual frames, because counter space will be at a premium
    
Okay guys, I guess that's all the advice I have for right now.  :)

Yeah, it's been an awesome year.  I would agree that college is going to be some of the best times of my life. Hands down.

*Lost in My Mind, Head & the Heart

"We just wanna make the world dance....forget about the price tag..."

Wow, has it seriously been a month since my last post? Time sure flies!
--
Well, this year is quickly drawing to a close. Yesterday was the first day of "dead week", which contrary to its name, means "do as much as you can in as little time as possible" week. I've only got 3 finals, which is very relaxed compared to some, but it will still be a lot of work for me. I'm trying to keep myself motivated to study instead of play, which isn't always easy (especially when my [very much loved] roomie is able to sleep in until noon and watch movies all afternoon). But it's been a fantastic freshman year, and really, I'm kind of sad to see things wrapping up. Luckily for me, almost all of my friends live within about 2 hours of home, so I know that we at least have the option to hang out once in a while.  :)

This past Sunday was Easter - and it was fantastic! I've been excited for it for almost a week beforehand. Resonate had a service in the morning instead of the evening, so I got up "early", went down to the dining hall, and had my first muffin since the beginning of Lent. And it was a very tasty one, at that! Came upstairs and opened my "easter basket" care packages from my family - they're just so awesome - and then started getting ready for church. It was great - I put on my "Jesus" music and did everything except for hair. Then drove down to Stephenson and spend another hour with Laurel, who was nice enough to curl my hair for me. <3 We went to service, and the room was packed! It was probably close to 400 people, and with a college church, that's so exciting to see!

I knew some people who went home for Easter, and I really debated whether or not I should. But...this is the first year here, and I wanted to experience the holiday with all of my "new" brothers and sisters. Was it weird? Yeah, a little bit. However, Easter, by nature, is kind of a floating holiday. It's been anywhere from early March to late April, and I've celebrated with any grouping of family members, in places from Longview to Hawaii. With that said, I think we have less "traditions" to miss , because it's really just about the core of the holiday. He is risen!!

Sunday afternoon, Alma and I took a roomie-roadtrip to Steptoe Butte. It was so fun! :) I've been looking forward to that opportunity to spend some girl time with her for a while now. We just hung out, took pictures, and then went to dinner afterwards. It was a great kickoff to the last 2 weeks of school. Honestly, I couldn't have asked for a better first year roommate, and I'm pretty sad that we can't live together again next year. I'm glad that we live so close to each other so there will be opportunities to hang out in the future.

Another new facet for next year, besides the new classes, living situation, and sophomore status, is going to be leading a Core. I've been invited to help facilitate a women's small group for Chi Alpha next year, which is exciting and a little bit intimidating. I know that this is the next logical step for me, but it's just weird to actually be taking it.

What else is goin' on? Hm... well, I have started packing stuff for summer. Mostly just things like books and DVDs, dress clothes, scarves, random things like that. But one box and bag at a time, it's getting gathered up. I'm definitely excited for summer, even though I'm sad to see this year be over. I'm hopefully getting a job, in fact, I have an interview set up the Saturday I get back. But I mailed out probably close to 15 applications, so something's got to come through, right? Aside from seeing friends and family, and taking some chill time, I will also be taking the final level of calculus at LCC during the second half of the summer to get those credits out of the way. Gonna be a crazy last month or so of break, but I'm excited to be being proactive about it. Plus, going 4 months without math is a long time when it's the level that I'm working with right now. 6 weeks is a much more manageable break.

Speaking of math, that's my first final next week. I'd better get back to reviewing some indefinite integrals.... :)

*Price Tag, Jessie J

"Makin' banana pancakes....pretend like it's the weekend now..."

Wow...so I just needed to post an update blog. A: because it's been a few weeks, and B: because tonight was so awesome.  :)
     Short and sweet- Spring Break was awesome. I loved being home, and early in the week it was kind of depressing to be back in classes. But I'm getting back into the routine, so it's all okay now.
    I'll just start with the main event - we had another "Fratcakes" event tonight. This one was from 10 until 2, and I was there until about 1:30 or so. I absolutely LOVE doing this. It's so much fun, and I love how people are always so taken aback by a few free pancakes. But as for why I'm really writing this... I had a great conversation tonight. I just keep asking God to speak to this guy's heart. He came up to the tent with his friend, and they asked us about the pancakes, and he wants to know if this is for a church. So I told him, yes, we're with Resonate, and just giving out pancakes.
   "Is there any Jesus involved?"
    "Yeah, sure," I say, "There's a lil' bit of Jesus involved. We're just out here loving people because He does."
    We then begin to discuss how he's Jewish, and therefore "can't accept our pancakes". Jokingly, of course. He asks what church, and where it is and stuff like that. And we're just talking about random theology, communion,  the differences between Catholic and Protestant, when he happens to swear, and then apologize. And me, being me, casually reply with, "It's all good."  He's kind of taken aback by this, and is like, "What? That doesn't offend you?" I just say that just because something is a conviction of mine, doesn't mean I get to hold him to my standard or judge him for what he's doing. By this point, his friend has pancakes, and so we introduce ourselves, shake hands, and he leaves.  The night goes on, and about 12:30 or 1-ish, he comes back, by himself, and gets two pancakes. Then proceeds to come stand next to me and say that he wants to talk some more while he eats them.
   "Give me your sales pitch."
    I knew the 2 minute Gospel wasn't what he was looking for. "I don't have a sales pitch. It's not about 'selling' it to you. Jesus can sell himself."
    Again, confused look.  And then randomly, "so you believe in the Trinity?" Me: "Yeah, I do."
    "Where does that idea come from? I mean, where in Scripture is that mentioned?"
      I'm so happy at this point - because I know the answer to this! AND I know it from the Old Testament, which is all he'll credit anyhow. I tell him about Genesis 1:1, and how all 3 parts of God are present at creation. And he says he's never heard it explained like that before. Our conversation just goes on like that! We talked about hope, and how I feel sad for people who don't believe in more than this life because there's so little hope. He asks me if I can even say something negative, and if there's a group of people that irritate me. I decided to level with him, and said "Apathetic Christians". That spurred the discussion about how people need to just go all out or none at all. And we talked about homosexuality, and how in God's eyes, all sins are the same (another 'new' thing for him) even if our culture weights them differently. And about why Christians don't believe that the Old Testament laws are necessarily applicable to us anymore because Jesus' blood opened a new covenant.
      He finishes his pancakes, and tells me "Thanks. I've learned some stuff tonight. Might need to go home and crack open my Bible. I do own one, believe it or not." before leaving.  :D  Have I mentioned how amazing God is? All this week I've been wondering if I'm ready to take the step into a leadership or discipleship role. And after tonight, I love answering questions. People are so curious when they see authentic human beings, just...loving Jesus. And my history in all the Old Testament stuff, and knowing the answers to those kinds of questions, well... that just made it so much more effective. And I loved every second of it! It's gone past just the need to "win" that I had when I was younger.  Sharing the Gospel is all about listening to people, and meeting them where they need met. They don't need to be smacked over the head with hell. They need to be encouraged to be thirsty. I just pray that the words I had to say tonight were God's words, not just mine. And that they'll plant seeds of curiosity and openness to Christianity for him.
    Call me crazy...but I would totally stand outside every weekend in the freezing cold to have conversations like that with people. It's so worth it.
    That's what I've been learning these last few weeks, I guess. Lukewarm just doesn't cut it in this world, guys. It's gotta be all out. And people respond well to authenticity. It's not about being perfect, it's about being real. Time to step up, brothers and sisters.  :)  Time to step up.

*Banana Pancakes, Jack Johnson

"I sing a simple song of love...to my Savior...to my Jesus...."

Dude!! Spring break is coming in like.... less than 3 days. :D  Actually, I will be home in approximately 60 hours. I think I calculated that right.  :D I'm so excited! It's not a homesick "oh my gosh get me out of Pullman" type of feeling, it's just, I'm ready for a break, and I'm looking forward to reconnecting with some "old" friends and seeing my family. I worked really hard this past weekend to catch up on all my homework, so as of last night, all I really have left to do is study for my 2 tests, and run a bunch of "pre-leaving" errands. I won't be able to totally forget about school, but it'll come close. :)

Riding back with me Friday morning is my (amazing) roomie, her friend from Eastern (who's gonna get here by bus Thursday afternoon), and yes, a total stranger. WSU started this "ride share" network, and I figured, if there's anyone who's going to LV/Kelso that's not a total psycho, can leave when I am, and is willing to help pay for my gas there and back, why not? I've got an extra seat in my car, after all. So there's a girl named Chelsea who's also going to be in our car. Look at me and my bad self, branching out. Hahaha. :) I'm coming Longview!! As fast as I can!

Another thing to talk about in this blog is Lent. I have never really recognized Lent, but I think I'm going to try this year. When thinking about what I should give up, I was having trouble finding something that wouldn't just me making it "easy" on myself. And as people have been saying, it's not about what we can afford to sacrifice. It's recognizing that Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice, and we need to surrender something that "hurts" a little bit. Randomly as I was going through some options, the verses in John 6 came to my mind. That's the part of the Bible where Jesus talks about Himself as the Bread of Life. And I've been enjoying the symbolism of that idea - giving up bread. For those who don't know me super well, I love bread. It's my favorite food group ever. And so I'm going to take these 40 days to focus on making Jesus the "bread" in my life. Yes. I realize that it's going to be hard. So many food choices, especially for a college student, involve bread of some sort.

So here's my "yes/no" list. Not so that I can be legalistic, because I know that's not what Lent is about. But just so that I can keep it straight with me, and with God, what I'm giving up.

"Bread" includes: Bread by the traditional definition, as well as bagels, biscuits, muffins, scones, crust on pizza or pies, waffles/pancakes/french toast, crackers, and tortillas
Not in the "bread" category: granola, cereal, "breading" on meat (ie: chicken strips), pasta, potatoes

The only exception to my "Lent-ing" would be if I'm a guest at someone else's house for a meal, and the main course falls under/involves one of the items. But if I can just skip the rolls, that's what I'd do. Oh, I guess communion is an exception too. Although, I don't know whether or not those baby crackers are even counted in the food pyramid. ;) Lol.

I am very much aware of how much of a challenge this is gonna be for me. And even though it's a much more traditional "Lent" idea than giving up something like Facebook, or TV, or more modern options, I think this is what I need to do this time.  :)  So, starting as of... oh, 20 minutes ago.

Jesus said, "I am the Bread of Life. The person who aligns with me hungers no more and thirsts no more, ever. " - John 6:35

*Arms of Love, Vineyard

"Oh, I just can't get enough...how much do I need to fill me up?"

We were struck with an impromptu blizzard this week. I don't know how to explain how annoying I found it, simply because I was supposed to get out of town this weekend and visit my friend in Seattle. I'm just getting restless. It's been almost 7 weeks straight that I've been in Pullman. I'm loving this semester, and I really have fallen in love with the university. But it's time to get out for a while, ya know? It's just time. Only 2 more weeks until Spring Break - I can't wait. Not only have I not been home since January, but I haven't had any visitors here either. Last semester, I at least saw people from home about once a month or a little more. But the snow is beautiful.... I will admit. And I made it to the grocery store and back without dying, although it DID almost give me a heart attack.

Busyness is picking up, just with a lot of "independent" projects that require out of class time. Good for me though, to continue being more self-motivated. I've also started applying for summer jobs...any of them that I can think of. I need to be able to make money this summer, so I'm trying to get the jump on any other applicants that might be coming later in the spring. We'll see. Not that I'm excited about working 30 hours a week and hopefully also taking classes. But what must be done, must be done.

I've been struggling this week with my attitudes, I think. I'm getting very easily irritated. The good and bad thing with that is, I have learned at least to be mature enough to internalize my frustrations. I do my best to keep any signs of anger from people (although those who've known me for a long time definitely know what to look for). But it's been little things that wouldn't even normally bother me. It's gotta be spring fever. :P My roommate is going to be in Spokane for part of this weekend, and even though that makes it lonely here, I think it's going to be good timing. I need some "me" time to chill and process and just be silent. Recharging. And the funny thing is, as I find myself irritated with things, on the other side of my brain, God's been showing me how to be broken for other people. My heart's learning to just ache over the lost, or even those who aren't in the same place as I am spiritually. Granted, that's good. I know that's how I'm supposed to be towards people. But combining it with my "flesh" side that's constantly trying not to explode on someone... It's becoming exhausting, all these emotions. I'm not one who loves to get on that particular roller coaster.

Random: we finally set aside the time, and rearranged the dorm room last week. It's a good change, I think, and it was good to clean things out and re-organize. It's much more functional in my opinion. Ohh- there's the tie in. Just like it's sometimes time consuming and difficult to reorganize something, it's not always easy to make changes in our own lives or hearts. But in the long run...it makes us much more functional Christians. Truth hurts with that one.

Well, I should get back to some homework before my next engagement. :)  Peace out, ya'll.

*You Got Me, Colbie Callait