I'm having another one of those "I should update my blog" days, even though I don't really have a specific topic to talk about today. Feeling a little overwhelmed with homework, and even though my mid-term scores came back satisfactorily, I still am not used to feeling like I don't know how to guarantee that my grade is where I want it to be.
Is it sad that I'm already trying to plan out my schedule for next semester? I don't even know why I'm already trying to map things out when I should be focusing on what's going on right now. Maybe if I have the "next step" in line it's sub-consciously the light at the end of the tunnel? And I've got to take more credits than I am this semester, so that's going to be another change. Just adding onto the homework I guess. Lol.
This last weekend was super fun -- my family came up, and so I had lots of "chill" time where I didn't have to think about homework. :) Obviously, that means I have to hit the ground running this week to try and get back in the focus of school. It's so easy just to let everything I've learned just fall out of my head if I don't constantly work on school. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving (52 days... :D) , but at the same time, I'm like, "How can I take 10 days off of homework and still remember anything when I get back?" I go without homework for 24 hours and it's hard to stay focused the next day! The other thing I did this weekend was get to see Myriah's volleyball team play up in Spokane. :) That was so much fun. I miss volleyball a lot...just the team feeling of it, yelling until your throat hurts, feeling in super good shape....
Anyhow, I got to talk to her for a few minutes after the game. :) It's crazy how much I've missed her - and everyone from school really - and I didn't even completely realize until we were just talking again. That's the down-side I guess, of our small school. I'm so attached to people. We've all known one another for so long, and always been together. It almost feels like I'm cheating to be having a "new" life without them, and I feel a little frustrated at them for having a new life without me! Granted, I know that it's supposed to work like this. And I'm not mad at people for following the path of their lives that they've been called to walk. But sometimes I wish that at least a few people had been called to the same path I have. I meet tons of people from huge high schools who have multiple friends from their classes here, and I am a little jealous, can't lie. I've loved meeting new people, and I really like the new friends I'm making. I just would love to have a few people here who've known me longer than a month... people who I know are on the same page and who know me so completely.
I'll probably look back and wonder why I wrote this slightly nostalgic and depressing entry...but it wouldn't be a true blog unless this was more than just my "life-is-wonderful" days. I'm tired, and just in one of those moods where life seems way out of the realm of my control. I guess that's good practice for me - life shouldn't be in MY control at all, much as I want it to be. Time is just weird. I don't want to move backwards, necessarily, but I just wish that some of the past could have joined me in the future. It's tricky business, this getting old stuff....
*The Middle, Jimmy Eat World
9.22.2010
"Good grades aren't what they seem...."
*heavy sigh* Such a long week.... but it's on the downhill stretch now!
I had my first "midterm" tonight. Calculus. Only 9 questions - but of course, some of them had part a-c, and the entire thing is worth a whopping 100 points.
It's funny how much stress homework can cause! I mean, in high school, homework was just a passing nuisance. As long as you kind of understood the concepts, you can fake your way through most of it, just regurgitating what was in the example problems or the lecture. Fill-in-the-blank exactly like the review sheet. Oh no...not any more. Homework is intentionally tricky. There's always something to be doing, because if you get even a little bit behind, well, you're pretty much up a creek without a paddle for the next week.
And with high school stuff, you have a class for a semester or an entire year. The amount of points possible is in the thousands. So naturally, you have the option of blowing off a few things, or failing a few assignments and it really doesn't change much in the long run. Here, this test I took tonight is 20 percent of the points I get all semester. Aka: if I bomb this, I've got to pull straight As for the next 2 months to average it up! So much stress! I basically sat down and felt like I was going to either get sick or pass out. Then of course, I breathe, and tell myself to take it easy and go one small step at a time and try and process the question. I think I did okay. But there are a few that I'm pretty sure I got wrong, which means that I'm looking at a B? Maybe?
That's weird for me too! I'm like, excited about the prospect of getting a B. From someone who was about ready to cry after my LCC A minus, that's a big transition. But I knew coming into college that I wasn't gonna be able to be the smart kid all the time anymore. I've adjusted my expectations for myself. Not that I'm not still trying for the A. I just don't make that my "standard", at least not this semester. The good news is, they say that your freshman semester is the lowest GPA you pull while in college. So it can only get better from here, right?
But yeah. Finished one midterm, and I have to turn around and study tonight and all day tomorrow for my chemistry mid-term tomorrow night. Ain't no rest for the wicked, I guess. ;) However, I was having a really great day today, which made it a lot easier to be motivated for a long day today and tomorrow. And then my family comes!! Yay for Mom's bday weekend and an excuse to not think about school!
I'm really missing all of my friends back home this week. Everyone starting LCC...going to classes together... Not going to lie - even though this is the right place for me, there are moments where I wish I would have just taken the easy way out. Of course, I still would've had to say goodbye to those who went away, so in either scenario it would have been hard. I just wish everyone would've come here with me! We could be out of Longview, have space to meet new people and stuff, but still been that security blanket. I know it's not how life works. But I just don't want to lose touch with my "brothers and sisters"! I <3 them! And it's weird not knowing how everyone's life is going! Even though Thanksgiving is a short break for most people (except me, hahaha, yay semester schools), I still want to see them all again before Christmas!
It is a weird time in life... that's all I gotta say about that....
*College Kids, Relient K
I had my first "midterm" tonight. Calculus. Only 9 questions - but of course, some of them had part a-c, and the entire thing is worth a whopping 100 points.
It's funny how much stress homework can cause! I mean, in high school, homework was just a passing nuisance. As long as you kind of understood the concepts, you can fake your way through most of it, just regurgitating what was in the example problems or the lecture. Fill-in-the-blank exactly like the review sheet. Oh no...not any more. Homework is intentionally tricky. There's always something to be doing, because if you get even a little bit behind, well, you're pretty much up a creek without a paddle for the next week.
And with high school stuff, you have a class for a semester or an entire year. The amount of points possible is in the thousands. So naturally, you have the option of blowing off a few things, or failing a few assignments and it really doesn't change much in the long run. Here, this test I took tonight is 20 percent of the points I get all semester. Aka: if I bomb this, I've got to pull straight As for the next 2 months to average it up! So much stress! I basically sat down and felt like I was going to either get sick or pass out. Then of course, I breathe, and tell myself to take it easy and go one small step at a time and try and process the question. I think I did okay. But there are a few that I'm pretty sure I got wrong, which means that I'm looking at a B? Maybe?
That's weird for me too! I'm like, excited about the prospect of getting a B. From someone who was about ready to cry after my LCC A minus, that's a big transition. But I knew coming into college that I wasn't gonna be able to be the smart kid all the time anymore. I've adjusted my expectations for myself. Not that I'm not still trying for the A. I just don't make that my "standard", at least not this semester. The good news is, they say that your freshman semester is the lowest GPA you pull while in college. So it can only get better from here, right?
But yeah. Finished one midterm, and I have to turn around and study tonight and all day tomorrow for my chemistry mid-term tomorrow night. Ain't no rest for the wicked, I guess. ;) However, I was having a really great day today, which made it a lot easier to be motivated for a long day today and tomorrow. And then my family comes!! Yay for Mom's bday weekend and an excuse to not think about school!
I'm really missing all of my friends back home this week. Everyone starting LCC...going to classes together... Not going to lie - even though this is the right place for me, there are moments where I wish I would have just taken the easy way out. Of course, I still would've had to say goodbye to those who went away, so in either scenario it would have been hard. I just wish everyone would've come here with me! We could be out of Longview, have space to meet new people and stuff, but still been that security blanket. I know it's not how life works. But I just don't want to lose touch with my "brothers and sisters"! I <3 them! And it's weird not knowing how everyone's life is going! Even though Thanksgiving is a short break for most people (except me, hahaha, yay semester schools), I still want to see them all again before Christmas!
It is a weird time in life... that's all I gotta say about that....
*College Kids, Relient K
9.18.2010
"And I play songs back to back until I go to bed..."
I'm not really sure where this post is going to go... I just feel that it's important to keep a regular schedule if I'm going to be an official part of the blog-o-sphere. Haha....
This has been such a stressful week! My first round of midterms began on Thursday, and I have another two tests next week. It's just so much homework, busy work, places to go, things to do.... I mean, I'm good at juggling a lot of commitments. But I'm also used to feeling like if I drop one, it's possible to pick it back up and keep going at the same pace. Not here. If I drop one, it starts this giant downward spiral of falling behind in classes. I feel like every hour has extreme significance, and it can't go to waste without good reason. If I'm in my room for more than 15 or 20 minutes, and I haven't started something "productive", I feel guilty. Granted, I try and keep it reasonable. If I've gotten enough done on my daily to-do list, I will justify spending some time on hulu, or hanging out with people, or whatever. But it's hard to let up on this pace at all, because once I start relaxing, it's really hard to get myself back into gear.
To any of you still in high school - be happy for the classes that give you lots of homework. The ones that have papers due, tests on the same week as other assignments, etc. Because that is SO the real world. Example: for my chemistry class, we have weekly online homework (20+ problems, and they're not "quick" ones), lectures MWF, weekly quizzes over the lecture material, a pre-lab due before our 3 hour lab time, and then a TON of calculations, post-lab questions, and a discussion over what the importance of it was, all due by the beginning of the next lab. So, add studying for a midterm on top of that, and you have my week. That's one class. Time management is so vital! I've never been more glad to have taken some "hard" classes through LCC. At least I had a clue of what I was getting into, and got the experience of this much homework at such a fast moving pace. I honestly don't know if I would survive without that experience. Not that I'm saying to ditch high school! Please, please, enjoy as much of your high school experience as you can. But if you get a chance to take one or two college classes before college actually comes - DO IT. Just enough to get your "feet wet".
So yeah, it has been a stressful week. And next week is looking just about as bad, but I've had such an awesome weekend. Friday I was able to have a slow afternoon, doing homework, watched some TV, spent the evening flopped on the floor. But it was really productive! And a good day, too. I felt really confident in my chemistry quiz, and I actually understood the calculus lecture! It's the little things in life, okay? Today I got to sleep in! Yay! And do laundry, vacuum, etc. for a very slow morning. Plus, I've finished a lot more of the chemistry stuff I have left, and worked on a bunch of math. Then tonight I walked down to my friend Aimee's house (she shares it with a bunch of roomies) and we had a movie night! I've missed sitting on a couch...with popcorn...just not worried about all the stuff I have to do. :) Plus, it's Saturday night. In Pullman. Therefore, everyone is out of the dorm and off doing whatever. Haha, except me! Nights are me time! Playlists, books, the random homework I decide to do....
And tomorrow is still an entire day! I'm feeling much more confident about being able to survive next week. My family is coming over Thursday night to stay the weekend, which is why it's so important to me to be a little bit ahead of schedule as far as the homework goes. I don't want to feel that looming over my head when I just want to have fun with them and not worry about school.
Well, that's really about all I have. It's 11:45pm, and I might just get ready for bed, review some flashcards, and get a full 8 or 9 hours in tonight! We'll see.... :D
*Melody - Kate Earl
This has been such a stressful week! My first round of midterms began on Thursday, and I have another two tests next week. It's just so much homework, busy work, places to go, things to do.... I mean, I'm good at juggling a lot of commitments. But I'm also used to feeling like if I drop one, it's possible to pick it back up and keep going at the same pace. Not here. If I drop one, it starts this giant downward spiral of falling behind in classes. I feel like every hour has extreme significance, and it can't go to waste without good reason. If I'm in my room for more than 15 or 20 minutes, and I haven't started something "productive", I feel guilty. Granted, I try and keep it reasonable. If I've gotten enough done on my daily to-do list, I will justify spending some time on hulu, or hanging out with people, or whatever. But it's hard to let up on this pace at all, because once I start relaxing, it's really hard to get myself back into gear.
To any of you still in high school - be happy for the classes that give you lots of homework. The ones that have papers due, tests on the same week as other assignments, etc. Because that is SO the real world. Example: for my chemistry class, we have weekly online homework (20+ problems, and they're not "quick" ones), lectures MWF, weekly quizzes over the lecture material, a pre-lab due before our 3 hour lab time, and then a TON of calculations, post-lab questions, and a discussion over what the importance of it was, all due by the beginning of the next lab. So, add studying for a midterm on top of that, and you have my week. That's one class. Time management is so vital! I've never been more glad to have taken some "hard" classes through LCC. At least I had a clue of what I was getting into, and got the experience of this much homework at such a fast moving pace. I honestly don't know if I would survive without that experience. Not that I'm saying to ditch high school! Please, please, enjoy as much of your high school experience as you can. But if you get a chance to take one or two college classes before college actually comes - DO IT. Just enough to get your "feet wet".
So yeah, it has been a stressful week. And next week is looking just about as bad, but I've had such an awesome weekend. Friday I was able to have a slow afternoon, doing homework, watched some TV, spent the evening flopped on the floor. But it was really productive! And a good day, too. I felt really confident in my chemistry quiz, and I actually understood the calculus lecture! It's the little things in life, okay? Today I got to sleep in! Yay! And do laundry, vacuum, etc. for a very slow morning. Plus, I've finished a lot more of the chemistry stuff I have left, and worked on a bunch of math. Then tonight I walked down to my friend Aimee's house (she shares it with a bunch of roomies) and we had a movie night! I've missed sitting on a couch...with popcorn...just not worried about all the stuff I have to do. :) Plus, it's Saturday night. In Pullman. Therefore, everyone is out of the dorm and off doing whatever. Haha, except me! Nights are me time! Playlists, books, the random homework I decide to do....
And tomorrow is still an entire day! I'm feeling much more confident about being able to survive next week. My family is coming over Thursday night to stay the weekend, which is why it's so important to me to be a little bit ahead of schedule as far as the homework goes. I don't want to feel that looming over my head when I just want to have fun with them and not worry about school.
Well, that's really about all I have. It's 11:45pm, and I might just get ready for bed, review some flashcards, and get a full 8 or 9 hours in tonight! We'll see.... :D
*Melody - Kate Earl
9.12.2010
"...so what can I say? And what can I do?"
Haha! I'm so good - two posts in three days. :)
I guess this is just another unravelling entry, getting further into the explanation of my life as a college student. One thing I've really had to make a conscious effort to do here is to pursue faith. It's funny - it's never something I've had to really do, at least not to this magnitude. Faith has been literally brought to me. It's been my choice, obviously, to believe or not, and to what degree I actually live it. And I thought I was doing pretty well.
Coming here, I've learned a lot about how crucial the Christian community really is in my life. The first week of WSU none of the ministries were meeting. And I was drowning - in a giant pool of loneliness and self-pity. Although I was meeting people, it was obvious how far away we were from one another spiritually, and it just creates this bubble of total isolation. The first time I went to a campus group, I was literally more emotionally fragile than I think I've ever been. And EVERYthing made me cry. The person sitting next to me asked how I was, and I almost lost it. Because when you spend your entire life, your entire existence, taking Christian fellowship for granted, it's amazing how fast you dry up. I've learned what it means to be truly "thirsty" for God, and I've had to be bold about who I am.
It's like, the second that you meet someone now, you get an idea of where they stand. There's such an obvious difference between light and dark in people - something I wasn't used to noticing before. It's really true - Jesus shines THROUGH people.
I've been so excited to start finding people that I identify with. I've been going to a service on Sunday evenings called Resonate, and their small group on Wednesday nights, as well as Chi Alpha (the A/G campus ministry) on Tuesdays when I'm not swamped with homework, and their women's group called "Core" on Thursdays. So I'm busy almost every evening of the week if I want to be, with church. And it's fabulous. I went to lunch this afternoon with someone from Chi Alpha, and she put it really well - "With another Christian, you can be friends in less than a minute, because you're brothers and sisters. With a non-believer, it takes longer to find substance to make that deeper connection." So true! One of the things I LOVED about Cornerstone was that everyone there was as close to me as a sibling, and I loved them that much. I realize now that it can be like that with people I've just met, solely because we both share the same Father.
It's weird for me to be this open about faith stuff. I'm usually one of those people who thinks that if I live my life as a testimony, the opportunities to share will just appear. Now, I'm actually looking for those open doors on my own - watching for any chance to talk about God. It's something I'd always wished to be like, and never had to. It's freeing, and also scary, because I realize how hard it is to verbalize some of the things I've always just "understood" about Christianity. Or things I'd "assumed" about other religions. Once you have faces, friends, to put to those affiliations, it's so much easier to want to share with them, to want to be that missionary. And it's also a LOT harder to believe in stereotyping people.
No matter how much blech I've been in the last (wow, almost) four weeks, it's true that I AM having a good time. I know that once this awkward transition period is over, I'll really like college. This is where I was planted, and I'm ready to keep walking forward.
*Lyrics from "The Stand"
I guess this is just another unravelling entry, getting further into the explanation of my life as a college student. One thing I've really had to make a conscious effort to do here is to pursue faith. It's funny - it's never something I've had to really do, at least not to this magnitude. Faith has been literally brought to me. It's been my choice, obviously, to believe or not, and to what degree I actually live it. And I thought I was doing pretty well.
Coming here, I've learned a lot about how crucial the Christian community really is in my life. The first week of WSU none of the ministries were meeting. And I was drowning - in a giant pool of loneliness and self-pity. Although I was meeting people, it was obvious how far away we were from one another spiritually, and it just creates this bubble of total isolation. The first time I went to a campus group, I was literally more emotionally fragile than I think I've ever been. And EVERYthing made me cry. The person sitting next to me asked how I was, and I almost lost it. Because when you spend your entire life, your entire existence, taking Christian fellowship for granted, it's amazing how fast you dry up. I've learned what it means to be truly "thirsty" for God, and I've had to be bold about who I am.
It's like, the second that you meet someone now, you get an idea of where they stand. There's such an obvious difference between light and dark in people - something I wasn't used to noticing before. It's really true - Jesus shines THROUGH people.
I've been so excited to start finding people that I identify with. I've been going to a service on Sunday evenings called Resonate, and their small group on Wednesday nights, as well as Chi Alpha (the A/G campus ministry) on Tuesdays when I'm not swamped with homework, and their women's group called "Core" on Thursdays. So I'm busy almost every evening of the week if I want to be, with church. And it's fabulous. I went to lunch this afternoon with someone from Chi Alpha, and she put it really well - "With another Christian, you can be friends in less than a minute, because you're brothers and sisters. With a non-believer, it takes longer to find substance to make that deeper connection." So true! One of the things I LOVED about Cornerstone was that everyone there was as close to me as a sibling, and I loved them that much. I realize now that it can be like that with people I've just met, solely because we both share the same Father.
It's weird for me to be this open about faith stuff. I'm usually one of those people who thinks that if I live my life as a testimony, the opportunities to share will just appear. Now, I'm actually looking for those open doors on my own - watching for any chance to talk about God. It's something I'd always wished to be like, and never had to. It's freeing, and also scary, because I realize how hard it is to verbalize some of the things I've always just "understood" about Christianity. Or things I'd "assumed" about other religions. Once you have faces, friends, to put to those affiliations, it's so much easier to want to share with them, to want to be that missionary. And it's also a LOT harder to believe in stereotyping people.
No matter how much blech I've been in the last (wow, almost) four weeks, it's true that I AM having a good time. I know that once this awkward transition period is over, I'll really like college. This is where I was planted, and I'm ready to keep walking forward.
*Lyrics from "The Stand"
9.11.2010
"...God's got his hand on you, so don't live life in fear..."
Well, I've never tried this blog thing before. But one of the things I read in a "what to do in college" book somewhere was start a blog. And I guess in four years, it would be pretty cool to be able to look back and see what went on at every stage in this experience. Hopefully, I'll be good about it, and remember to post at least once every week or two. We'll see how long it lasts, but I'm gonna try. Plus, I'm always the kind of person who enjoys seeing my thoughts in print. It's a good way to process.
Anyhow, I'm officially a freshman in college! Tuesday marks my one month anniversary of being in Pullman. That's so crazy to say! I've never been away from home longer than a week until now. There's so much that's gone on that I can't wait to rant/blog about... although it's pretty late to get it all out now. Where to even begin!
I'll just start in the present, and then slowly make my way backward through the last few weeks as the opportunity arises. I had a great Friday today - after having a minor meltdown on Thursday, it was nice to get control of my roller-coaster emotions again. (That's another thing! I'm not an emotional person. I'm usually very controlled, level-headed, and rational about it. I don't like drama, I don't like blowing things out of proportion. But I've been such an emotional unpredictability lately, it's driving me up a wall.) Anyhow, today was good. I was productive, and yet still social. :) It was fun to have a low-key night with some ice cream, Gilmore Girls, and a new friend. Still weird, because I've never really been required to make friends - but I think I'm getting the hang of it okay. I do miss that community a lot though, of having people around who know you completely. It's hard to be stupid or random here, because you never know what someone's going to think, since they haven't grown up with you and know that really, deep down, you are sane. :D
Tomorrow is the first home football game. It's crazy how big of a deal people are making it! I guess that's partially due to the fact that it's college, and it's "Family Weekend", and it's one of the few games that WSU is predicted to win this year. Lol. But I mean, when the entire marching band is outside of one of the frat parties playing "Pharoah, Pharoah" at 11pm, you know people are gonna show up in spirit. There's actually rumor that they go around campus at 6am on football Saturdays - we'll see if that bodes true or not. But I'm goin' - in my WSU t-shirt and jeans! Heck yes!
What else is new as of today? Nothing that won't take an entire blog entry to explain, I don't think. I'll have to leave the update on my classes and everything for another day. It's gettin' a little late, and I still want to finish up a few more calculus problems before tomorrow so I won't have to think about them. So excited to sleep in!
Oh - and I'm going to title each entry in this blog with song lyrics, I've decided. (Hence the URL including "replay". Song title, and also, kind of what a blog is. A way to replay your life!) This entry is titled after "The Words I Would Say" by Sidewalk Prophets.
Until the next time, everyone! Looking forward to more of this journey!
Anyhow, I'm officially a freshman in college! Tuesday marks my one month anniversary of being in Pullman. That's so crazy to say! I've never been away from home longer than a week until now. There's so much that's gone on that I can't wait to rant/blog about... although it's pretty late to get it all out now. Where to even begin!
I'll just start in the present, and then slowly make my way backward through the last few weeks as the opportunity arises. I had a great Friday today - after having a minor meltdown on Thursday, it was nice to get control of my roller-coaster emotions again. (That's another thing! I'm not an emotional person. I'm usually very controlled, level-headed, and rational about it. I don't like drama, I don't like blowing things out of proportion. But I've been such an emotional unpredictability lately, it's driving me up a wall.) Anyhow, today was good. I was productive, and yet still social. :) It was fun to have a low-key night with some ice cream, Gilmore Girls, and a new friend. Still weird, because I've never really been required to make friends - but I think I'm getting the hang of it okay. I do miss that community a lot though, of having people around who know you completely. It's hard to be stupid or random here, because you never know what someone's going to think, since they haven't grown up with you and know that really, deep down, you are sane. :D
Tomorrow is the first home football game. It's crazy how big of a deal people are making it! I guess that's partially due to the fact that it's college, and it's "Family Weekend", and it's one of the few games that WSU is predicted to win this year. Lol. But I mean, when the entire marching band is outside of one of the frat parties playing "Pharoah, Pharoah" at 11pm, you know people are gonna show up in spirit. There's actually rumor that they go around campus at 6am on football Saturdays - we'll see if that bodes true or not. But I'm goin' - in my WSU t-shirt and jeans! Heck yes!
What else is new as of today? Nothing that won't take an entire blog entry to explain, I don't think. I'll have to leave the update on my classes and everything for another day. It's gettin' a little late, and I still want to finish up a few more calculus problems before tomorrow so I won't have to think about them. So excited to sleep in!
Oh - and I'm going to title each entry in this blog with song lyrics, I've decided. (Hence the URL including "replay". Song title, and also, kind of what a blog is. A way to replay your life!) This entry is titled after "The Words I Would Say" by Sidewalk Prophets.
Until the next time, everyone! Looking forward to more of this journey!
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