We were struck with an impromptu blizzard this week. I don't know how to explain how annoying I found it, simply because I was supposed to get out of town this weekend and visit my friend in Seattle. I'm just getting restless. It's been almost 7 weeks straight that I've been in Pullman. I'm loving this semester, and I really have fallen in love with the university. But it's time to get out for a while, ya know? It's just time. Only 2 more weeks until Spring Break - I can't wait. Not only have I not been home since January, but I haven't had any visitors here either. Last semester, I at least saw people from home about once a month or a little more. But the snow is beautiful.... I will admit. And I made it to the grocery store and back without dying, although it DID almost give me a heart attack.
Busyness is picking up, just with a lot of "independent" projects that require out of class time. Good for me though, to continue being more self-motivated. I've also started applying for summer jobs...any of them that I can think of. I need to be able to make money this summer, so I'm trying to get the jump on any other applicants that might be coming later in the spring. We'll see. Not that I'm excited about working 30 hours a week and hopefully also taking classes. But what must be done, must be done.
I've been struggling this week with my attitudes, I think. I'm getting very easily irritated. The good and bad thing with that is, I have learned at least to be mature enough to internalize my frustrations. I do my best to keep any signs of anger from people (although those who've known me for a long time definitely know what to look for). But it's been little things that wouldn't even normally bother me. It's gotta be spring fever. :P My roommate is going to be in Spokane for part of this weekend, and even though that makes it lonely here, I think it's going to be good timing. I need some "me" time to chill and process and just be silent. Recharging. And the funny thing is, as I find myself irritated with things, on the other side of my brain, God's been showing me how to be broken for other people. My heart's learning to just ache over the lost, or even those who aren't in the same place as I am spiritually. Granted, that's good. I know that's how I'm supposed to be towards people. But combining it with my "flesh" side that's constantly trying not to explode on someone... It's becoming exhausting, all these emotions. I'm not one who loves to get on that particular roller coaster.
Random: we finally set aside the time, and rearranged the dorm room last week. It's a good change, I think, and it was good to clean things out and re-organize. It's much more functional in my opinion. Ohh- there's the tie in. Just like it's sometimes time consuming and difficult to reorganize something, it's not always easy to make changes in our own lives or hearts. But in the long run...it makes us much more functional Christians. Truth hurts with that one.
Well, I should get back to some homework before my next engagement. :) Peace out, ya'll.
*You Got Me, Colbie Callait
2.11.2011
"More than a love song can give....more than a feeling like this..."
Seeing as it's been almost 3 weeks since my last post, I figured it's time for another update goin' on. =)
Midterms are over, thank goodness! Still waiting to hear how my math test went, but I felt pretty good about it, so I really hope it was a justified feeling. In my english class, we're having to design an experiment or something to do our own research on. It's a little scary, not gonna lie. Basically, we're writing the information that we're writing the paper on.
This week marks the end of the 5th week of classes, which means there is only one more month until spring break. How does time go so crazy fast?? I was having a rough stretch about a week ago - just wanting to be done with school and go home. But at the same time, I've been learning how to deal with transitions. Every time I start to feel lonely, or jealous of the people who get to go home every weekend, then something cool just happens. I'll have a really good night with people and realize, without really knowing it, I have made friends. Ones that I really enjoy being with. It's still a different dynamic than past friendships, but I'm excited to spend the next few years here and see where things go.
I've been doing really well with my New Year's Resolution - the cliche "get in shape" one, actually. But I'm trying to stay motivated, and I'm going to the rec every weekend, taking a dance class twice a week, and doing an ab workout almost every night. And this last week I've started working on some new eating habits. As hard as it has been, I definitely feel much better. Still a ways to go yet, however.
And what else.... hmm...
I guess there's that little piece of me that's really wanting next week to be over. I love weekends, and next week is a 3 day weekend! Yay, President's Day! =) Plus, Alma and I are hopefully re-arranging our room, which it definitely needs. We need a little spice in our lives. Haha. But to get to that weekend, there is still Valentine's Day. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna be one of those girls who sits alone in bed with ice cream watching The Notebook. Quite the opposite - I have lots going on that day. And I'm not "really" looking for anyone at this point anyhow. I worked through that whole "woe is me" phase not that long ago, and have reached contentment about spending another <3 Day celebrating Singles Awareness Day. There's just always a few moments that are hard, because I'm human. I just have to keep prayin' my way through them and trusting on God's timing. Wow. That could be another blog all in itself if I keep going down this track.
It's almost time to start looking for summer jobs and all kinds of great stuff like that. I'm not loving the thought of working full time this summer, but I know I really need to. I need the money, and the work experience. I just hope that I can find one. There's the real trick. I have to get SOMEthing, so if anyone knows of openings in Cowlitz County, PLEASE let me know. LOL. But summer also brings lots of other fun stuff, and friend time, and sunshine, and good food.... mmmm. Bring it on.
I guess this is really the extent of what I have to say at this point.
Until next time
*More Than A Love Song, Augustana
Midterms are over, thank goodness! Still waiting to hear how my math test went, but I felt pretty good about it, so I really hope it was a justified feeling. In my english class, we're having to design an experiment or something to do our own research on. It's a little scary, not gonna lie. Basically, we're writing the information that we're writing the paper on.
This week marks the end of the 5th week of classes, which means there is only one more month until spring break. How does time go so crazy fast?? I was having a rough stretch about a week ago - just wanting to be done with school and go home. But at the same time, I've been learning how to deal with transitions. Every time I start to feel lonely, or jealous of the people who get to go home every weekend, then something cool just happens. I'll have a really good night with people and realize, without really knowing it, I have made friends. Ones that I really enjoy being with. It's still a different dynamic than past friendships, but I'm excited to spend the next few years here and see where things go.
I've been doing really well with my New Year's Resolution - the cliche "get in shape" one, actually. But I'm trying to stay motivated, and I'm going to the rec every weekend, taking a dance class twice a week, and doing an ab workout almost every night. And this last week I've started working on some new eating habits. As hard as it has been, I definitely feel much better. Still a ways to go yet, however.
And what else.... hmm...
I guess there's that little piece of me that's really wanting next week to be over. I love weekends, and next week is a 3 day weekend! Yay, President's Day! =) Plus, Alma and I are hopefully re-arranging our room, which it definitely needs. We need a little spice in our lives. Haha. But to get to that weekend, there is still Valentine's Day. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna be one of those girls who sits alone in bed with ice cream watching The Notebook. Quite the opposite - I have lots going on that day. And I'm not "really" looking for anyone at this point anyhow. I worked through that whole "woe is me" phase not that long ago, and have reached contentment about spending another <3 Day celebrating Singles Awareness Day. There's just always a few moments that are hard, because I'm human. I just have to keep prayin' my way through them and trusting on God's timing. Wow. That could be another blog all in itself if I keep going down this track.
It's almost time to start looking for summer jobs and all kinds of great stuff like that. I'm not loving the thought of working full time this summer, but I know I really need to. I need the money, and the work experience. I just hope that I can find one. There's the real trick. I have to get SOMEthing, so if anyone knows of openings in Cowlitz County, PLEASE let me know. LOL. But summer also brings lots of other fun stuff, and friend time, and sunshine, and good food.... mmmm. Bring it on.
I guess this is really the extent of what I have to say at this point.
Until next time
*More Than A Love Song, Augustana
1.24.2011
"I know I still make mistakes...but you have new mercies for me everyday..."
"You stay the same through the ages. Your love never changes. There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning. And when the oceans rage, I don't have to be afraid. Because I know that you love me."
Well, I've had a really good weekend. :) One of those that I feel like I should blog about, for when, undoubtedly, the devil comes to try and tell me it didn't matter.
This weekend was the Chi Alpha winter camp 2011. It's pretty much a weekend getaway with all the XA branches in Washington state. We drove to Camp Beracha in Auburn, and it was just...good. Our topic this weekend was sin. Which, as Julie said when introducing it, is something that we tend to gloss over in the church a lot. It's not easy to talk about the tough stuff. We don't want to come across judgemental, or scare off any possible unbelievers who might be sitting in the audience. We try and make our Christianity very surfacy sometimes, and they pretty much took the lid off of that this weekend. Friday night, Julie shared about leaving the "desert" of our lives, and going to find water. And the main point that I actually took away from that night was "Once you've found water, stop living like you haven't." That wasn't necessarily something that she mentioned, but it was one of the comments that I think God told me, personally. Knowing the truth means living in the truth.
Saturday morning, we talked about the three battles that we face with sin - ourselves, the world, and the devil. It's interesting to think about them as three separate entities. I always considered it one battle, but the devil used ourselves and the world as weapons on his behalf. We broke it down a lot, and then identified ways to combat the fights - regenerative power (Holy Spirit), truth, and trust in God. Saturday night was about how to pick ourselves back up after we've sinned, and like Hebrews 12, running the race with perseverance. We were designed to be runners, and as Christians, are bound to endure hardships. It's just part of being human, and part of training to live life God's way.
Then Sunday morning, the speaker (Jessica from University of Idaho) talked about what the role of Christian brothers and sisters is regarding sin in one another's lives. I think that she did a really good job explaining what "judgment" means in the Christian life. It's a balance between humility and self-evaluation, giving love and grace to others, and trying to spur them on when they're living below their potential. I also liked that she mentioned how we aren't to judge those outside the faith, holding them to our standards, when heck- they don't even know what the standards ARE to begin with!
Bringing it to a personal level a little bit, I was able to really see and hear God at work in my heart. I know that He was reminding me of things in my life that I need to work on, and showing me that it's really okay to not be perfect. I've been guilty of believing the "I need to be perfect" lie so many times...of feeling burdensome to others, and of being afraid of judgment. He's given us each other for a reason - to live this human life together. I need to continue to humble myself and remember that it's not about me. God told me that this weekend too. I just kept repeating during one of the worship songs - It's not about me. It's not about me. It's not about me. My "flesh" doesn't deserve control. I don't have to take on these problems alone because Jesus came with the strength to help me through them. And as I was saying that, He was responding in my ear - I did it for you. He survived this world, and died for me.
"God, why'd you do it?"
"Because I love you. And I am crazy about you. Not just 'the world'. You."
Wow. That's the truth that I've been working to believe all year long. Amongst so many lies that I hear, and some that I even occasionally believe, that's the conversation that keeps repeating itself. So who am I to question God, or His timing, when I know full well that the path He has is right, and all things will work together for my good?
*Your Love Never Fails, Jesus Culture
Well, I've had a really good weekend. :) One of those that I feel like I should blog about, for when, undoubtedly, the devil comes to try and tell me it didn't matter.
This weekend was the Chi Alpha winter camp 2011. It's pretty much a weekend getaway with all the XA branches in Washington state. We drove to Camp Beracha in Auburn, and it was just...good. Our topic this weekend was sin. Which, as Julie said when introducing it, is something that we tend to gloss over in the church a lot. It's not easy to talk about the tough stuff. We don't want to come across judgemental, or scare off any possible unbelievers who might be sitting in the audience. We try and make our Christianity very surfacy sometimes, and they pretty much took the lid off of that this weekend. Friday night, Julie shared about leaving the "desert" of our lives, and going to find water. And the main point that I actually took away from that night was "Once you've found water, stop living like you haven't." That wasn't necessarily something that she mentioned, but it was one of the comments that I think God told me, personally. Knowing the truth means living in the truth.
Saturday morning, we talked about the three battles that we face with sin - ourselves, the world, and the devil. It's interesting to think about them as three separate entities. I always considered it one battle, but the devil used ourselves and the world as weapons on his behalf. We broke it down a lot, and then identified ways to combat the fights - regenerative power (Holy Spirit), truth, and trust in God. Saturday night was about how to pick ourselves back up after we've sinned, and like Hebrews 12, running the race with perseverance. We were designed to be runners, and as Christians, are bound to endure hardships. It's just part of being human, and part of training to live life God's way.
Then Sunday morning, the speaker (Jessica from University of Idaho) talked about what the role of Christian brothers and sisters is regarding sin in one another's lives. I think that she did a really good job explaining what "judgment" means in the Christian life. It's a balance between humility and self-evaluation, giving love and grace to others, and trying to spur them on when they're living below their potential. I also liked that she mentioned how we aren't to judge those outside the faith, holding them to our standards, when heck- they don't even know what the standards ARE to begin with!
Bringing it to a personal level a little bit, I was able to really see and hear God at work in my heart. I know that He was reminding me of things in my life that I need to work on, and showing me that it's really okay to not be perfect. I've been guilty of believing the "I need to be perfect" lie so many times...of feeling burdensome to others, and of being afraid of judgment. He's given us each other for a reason - to live this human life together. I need to continue to humble myself and remember that it's not about me. God told me that this weekend too. I just kept repeating during one of the worship songs - It's not about me. It's not about me. It's not about me. My "flesh" doesn't deserve control. I don't have to take on these problems alone because Jesus came with the strength to help me through them. And as I was saying that, He was responding in my ear - I did it for you. He survived this world, and died for me.
"God, why'd you do it?"
"Because I love you. And I am crazy about you. Not just 'the world'. You."
Wow. That's the truth that I've been working to believe all year long. Amongst so many lies that I hear, and some that I even occasionally believe, that's the conversation that keeps repeating itself. So who am I to question God, or His timing, when I know full well that the path He has is right, and all things will work together for my good?
*Your Love Never Fails, Jesus Culture
1.08.2011
"And this old world is a new world...is a bold world...for me..."
Well, I think I need to post one blog entry at least before Christmas break is over. :) It's the day before I head back to school - I'm not too sure how I feel about it. I'm really looking forward to the classes I'm taking, and I do miss some aspects of college life, for sure.And it's weird not talking to all of the great people I've met. But at the same time, being home for a month...seeing all of the people that I grew up with... it's started to take its effect again. I love the "chill"-ness of Christmas break. And this is still home, really. It's comfortable. Although at the same time, I have experienced some of the "culture shock" being back. It's tricky to not revert to some of my old habits and things...even though I've changed a lot, being back makes it really easy to be the person I was last year and not many people would know. But coming back from being away for a while, it's helped me to recognize places that I still need to grow. I can tell where my weak points are.
I actually had time this break to see a lot more people, which I loved. Thanksgiving was such a whirlwind! But having over three weeks....I could schedule a lot more one-on-one time with people. And I got to go to school a few days, see three basketball games, all kinds of cool things like that. :) It was awesome to hang out and catch up on everyone's lives.
Christmas itself was great. :) I haven't had a Christmas Day at home since I've been really little, because we usually go over to Colfax and spend it with my grandparents. This year they came here. It was really nice, and it felt like what a "normal" American family might do for Christmas. At least in my mind. Haha. And trying to keep everything scaled back and simple was good. I'm kind of at a point where I don't want stuff, really. Okay, that's a little bit of a lie. Of course I want stuff. But I recognize that I don't want it at the expense of other people. I'd much rather just try and take care of it on my own if I can. The generosity at Christmas, well... it overwhelmed me a little bit this year.
Oh, and that's right - it's 2011 now! I'm so OLD! :D Lived in 3 decades, 2 centuries, and 2 millenia and I'm not even 20 years old yet. Crazy! Lol. Did I make New Year's Resolutions? Nothing really official. I've got ideas of things I want to work on, for sure. My new "semester's resolution" is to make it to the rec center at least once a week. Which sounds like nothing to anyone who actually works out hard core, I know. But for me - that will be a challenge, at least to start with. But a good one - I definitely could get into better shape than I'm in.
This coming semester I'm taking psychology, calculus, french, english, band, and american social dance. Should be an exciting batch of classes, and I'm looking forward to it a lot. The first few weeks will be hard though, just getting back into the swing of getting up at 8am, actually walking everywhere, doing homework.... but somewhere deep down I know that once I re-adjust it'll be a lot of fun. And I'm hoping to start volunteering in the local school system this semester too. :) Get my "kid" quota every week. Haha.
I guess I'm about out of things to really talk about right now. My next post will most likely be from back in the ol' dorm room. *shakes head* Weirdness!
*Feeling Good, Michael Buble
I actually had time this break to see a lot more people, which I loved. Thanksgiving was such a whirlwind! But having over three weeks....I could schedule a lot more one-on-one time with people. And I got to go to school a few days, see three basketball games, all kinds of cool things like that. :) It was awesome to hang out and catch up on everyone's lives.
Christmas itself was great. :) I haven't had a Christmas Day at home since I've been really little, because we usually go over to Colfax and spend it with my grandparents. This year they came here. It was really nice, and it felt like what a "normal" American family might do for Christmas. At least in my mind. Haha. And trying to keep everything scaled back and simple was good. I'm kind of at a point where I don't want stuff, really. Okay, that's a little bit of a lie. Of course I want stuff. But I recognize that I don't want it at the expense of other people. I'd much rather just try and take care of it on my own if I can. The generosity at Christmas, well... it overwhelmed me a little bit this year.
Oh, and that's right - it's 2011 now! I'm so OLD! :D Lived in 3 decades, 2 centuries, and 2 millenia and I'm not even 20 years old yet. Crazy! Lol. Did I make New Year's Resolutions? Nothing really official. I've got ideas of things I want to work on, for sure. My new "semester's resolution" is to make it to the rec center at least once a week. Which sounds like nothing to anyone who actually works out hard core, I know. But for me - that will be a challenge, at least to start with. But a good one - I definitely could get into better shape than I'm in.
This coming semester I'm taking psychology, calculus, french, english, band, and american social dance. Should be an exciting batch of classes, and I'm looking forward to it a lot. The first few weeks will be hard though, just getting back into the swing of getting up at 8am, actually walking everywhere, doing homework.... but somewhere deep down I know that once I re-adjust it'll be a lot of fun. And I'm hoping to start volunteering in the local school system this semester too. :) Get my "kid" quota every week. Haha.
I guess I'm about out of things to really talk about right now. My next post will most likely be from back in the ol' dorm room. *shakes head* Weirdness!
*Feeling Good, Michael Buble
12.14.2010
"It's not the end... the end of the world... it's just another day..."
I. Am. So. Done. =) It's officially time for the semester to be over and my brain to get some much needed breathing space. Although, I can't complain - I had a really easy finals week compared to a lot of people. I have one more final and then I'm home Wednesday night. Yesterday I spend twelve, yes, twelve, hours studying for my calculus final tonight. I got up, got ready, opened my book, and with the exception of a few brief breaks, that is what I did until 2 in the morning. And I just got done. :) The good news is, I feel pretty good about it. The bad news - that doesn't always mean much. Lol.
I'm now treating myself to a brain break before heading off to the chemistry study session. I'm probably not going to score as high on chemistry, but I'm not super worried. According to my friend Sarah, she's been talking to a bunch of 105 TAs, and they said that since over 1/2 the class is currently failing, the curve is going to be massive. Couple that with the fact that I got an email saying I'm in the top 25%.... well, I might actually pull out a solid B, or maaaybe an A. Time will tell...
Finals week is crazy. But I'll be home in approximately 29 hours! I finally started packing this morning. It's crazy how much stuff one might need for 3 weeks. And yes, I'm being a complete nerd and taking an online class over Christmas break. It's 3 credits, and a pre-requisite for my history major, so I figured, might as well.
Anyhow, there's not much new aside from the fact that I am now done with my first semester at WSU! I'm a happy person. :D
PS: Dear whoever left their half used, open shampoo bottle on the porch: That's just weird.
*The End, Matthew West
I'm now treating myself to a brain break before heading off to the chemistry study session. I'm probably not going to score as high on chemistry, but I'm not super worried. According to my friend Sarah, she's been talking to a bunch of 105 TAs, and they said that since over 1/2 the class is currently failing, the curve is going to be massive. Couple that with the fact that I got an email saying I'm in the top 25%.... well, I might actually pull out a solid B, or maaaybe an A. Time will tell...
Finals week is crazy. But I'll be home in approximately 29 hours! I finally started packing this morning. It's crazy how much stuff one might need for 3 weeks. And yes, I'm being a complete nerd and taking an online class over Christmas break. It's 3 credits, and a pre-requisite for my history major, so I figured, might as well.
Anyhow, there's not much new aside from the fact that I am now done with my first semester at WSU! I'm a happy person. :D
PS: Dear whoever left their half used, open shampoo bottle on the porch: That's just weird.
*The End, Matthew West
12.10.2010
"Got a couple rips in my jeans....try to put the pieces together, but perfection is my enemy..."
Let me just begin this post by saying, that no, I am not in a bad mood today. I have had a fabulous Friday, and the week overall has been pretty spectacular, too. :) I'm home in like... basically 5 days, and I only have two more tests to go. So this entry isn't some emotional spit-up of my stress. It's just the fact that I've been learning some things about what makes me irritated lately, and I think it's time for the blog-o-sphere to be privvy to them.
Apathy. Oh yes. I've known this one for a long time. But it's still good to refresh. I HATE apathy. I don't even care if you disagree with what I have to say, as long as you have your own opinion! People who drift by and go with the flow are so frustrating. I'm not saying like, people who are low-key or people who are flexible. That's totally different. I mean as far as your moral code goes. You DO or you DO NOT. But you can't say one thing to one person, and then something different to another. In high school, this was tricky, because everyone wants to be accepted. And really, high school is pretty judgemental. But the more I'm in college, the more I realize that people in the "real world" are mature enough to value individuality. You can agree to disagree, and you can have a mature, intelligent debate without tearing each other apart. But when you refuse to take a stand for anything, I'm sorry, but that just frustrates me. And you're really likely to rub me the wrong way.
Taking this a step farther ... I really really really don't like cursing. Duh. Anyone who's known me for more than a little while can attest that I have never said a curse word. I don't quote them when someone else says it, I don't write it down as a piece of dialogue. And I am so disheartened when people who should know better (aka: Christians) choose to do so. I know that everyone has struggles. I know that people have "grown up around it" and it's "normal" to them. But in my opinion, that's something that you should have control over, or at the very least, be trying to control. I'm not trying to be critical, I'm just trying to be honest. It messes with my spiritual life when I see you talking out of both sides of your mouth. I struggle with whether or not you can possibly still love Jesus and be okay with words like those just floating out at any interval. I mean, I might be a little more extreme than some. I scratch them out in my books so I don't have to look at them a second time, and I mute the TV whenever I think something like that is coming. But really, even after being in the "real world" for the last... almost 4 months, it still bothers me. And I'm still not giving in to pressure. So please, take the verses in the Bible about pure speech and taming your tongue to heart! You're not only damaging the image of what a "Christian" should look like, but you're confusing people like me who want to believe you are.
The next one. Ultimatums. I think the pastor at Resonate mentioned this last week, but when somebody gives you an ultimatum, even when it's something that you might normally want to do, your first instinct is to rebel and go to the other side. I'm really bad about this. Don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of authority figures. I believe they're there for a reason. But whenever I get the "Do this or else" feeling, or the "You'll be going against the norm if you do...." feeling, guess what? I'm gonna try the "or else". I've been one who swims upstream my entire life. People who try to build a dam in the way, well, I'm going salmon-style and I'm gonna jump the waterfall in spite of you. This is probably a weakness...it's probably pride, I'll admit. But I've felt like I've had so many points this semester where it was one path or the other, and there was no going back once the decision was made. I can't stand those! I'm the girl who's going to try and find the path right down the middle that no one else has made before. To my credit, it tends to work out pretty well. And I see a lot of people following the same trail once it's been blazed.
People who hurt people I love. Let's just say it's a really good thing I don't say everything I think. Because there are a few people who really deserve a piece of my mind, but because I'm a self-controlled and somewhat mature person, I'm not going to. I don't want to be the cause of drama. They should know that I'm gonna be a lot more wary of them in the future, and if they ask me about it... well, that might be the open door for a 'real' discussion. But don't expect that you'll like what I have to say.
One might read these things and just kind of smile and nod. "Oh, she's venting." Sure, I guess. But I dare you to underestimate me. I've always been a very deep thinker. I process things thoroughly, and I often imagine conversations playing out. But I'm not confrontational. I wasn't the one to go up to someone and start a tough topic. Guess what? That's changing. Something I've been challenged to do in my conversations this year is be real with people. My friends and I aren't afraid to be honest. We call it how we see it, in as much love as possible. And we talk about the tough stuff. That was hard for me at first, but it's become really refreshing. I think people will be surprised at how much more up front I can be in conversations now. Things aren't rattling me as easy, and I'm not just going to gloss over something that I think we should talk about. That doesn't mean I think any less of you, or I'm any more mean. I'm just discovering how to voice my thoughts and be okay with that. If you don't like me for it, well....so be it.
* Free to Be Me, Francesca Battistelli
Apathy. Oh yes. I've known this one for a long time. But it's still good to refresh. I HATE apathy. I don't even care if you disagree with what I have to say, as long as you have your own opinion! People who drift by and go with the flow are so frustrating. I'm not saying like, people who are low-key or people who are flexible. That's totally different. I mean as far as your moral code goes. You DO or you DO NOT. But you can't say one thing to one person, and then something different to another. In high school, this was tricky, because everyone wants to be accepted. And really, high school is pretty judgemental. But the more I'm in college, the more I realize that people in the "real world" are mature enough to value individuality. You can agree to disagree, and you can have a mature, intelligent debate without tearing each other apart. But when you refuse to take a stand for anything, I'm sorry, but that just frustrates me. And you're really likely to rub me the wrong way.
Taking this a step farther ... I really really really don't like cursing. Duh. Anyone who's known me for more than a little while can attest that I have never said a curse word. I don't quote them when someone else says it, I don't write it down as a piece of dialogue. And I am so disheartened when people who should know better (aka: Christians) choose to do so. I know that everyone has struggles. I know that people have "grown up around it" and it's "normal" to them. But in my opinion, that's something that you should have control over, or at the very least, be trying to control. I'm not trying to be critical, I'm just trying to be honest. It messes with my spiritual life when I see you talking out of both sides of your mouth. I struggle with whether or not you can possibly still love Jesus and be okay with words like those just floating out at any interval. I mean, I might be a little more extreme than some. I scratch them out in my books so I don't have to look at them a second time, and I mute the TV whenever I think something like that is coming. But really, even after being in the "real world" for the last... almost 4 months, it still bothers me. And I'm still not giving in to pressure. So please, take the verses in the Bible about pure speech and taming your tongue to heart! You're not only damaging the image of what a "Christian" should look like, but you're confusing people like me who want to believe you are.
The next one. Ultimatums. I think the pastor at Resonate mentioned this last week, but when somebody gives you an ultimatum, even when it's something that you might normally want to do, your first instinct is to rebel and go to the other side. I'm really bad about this. Don't get me wrong, I am a huge fan of authority figures. I believe they're there for a reason. But whenever I get the "Do this or else" feeling, or the "You'll be going against the norm if you do...." feeling, guess what? I'm gonna try the "or else". I've been one who swims upstream my entire life. People who try to build a dam in the way, well, I'm going salmon-style and I'm gonna jump the waterfall in spite of you. This is probably a weakness...it's probably pride, I'll admit. But I've felt like I've had so many points this semester where it was one path or the other, and there was no going back once the decision was made. I can't stand those! I'm the girl who's going to try and find the path right down the middle that no one else has made before. To my credit, it tends to work out pretty well. And I see a lot of people following the same trail once it's been blazed.
People who hurt people I love. Let's just say it's a really good thing I don't say everything I think. Because there are a few people who really deserve a piece of my mind, but because I'm a self-controlled and somewhat mature person, I'm not going to. I don't want to be the cause of drama. They should know that I'm gonna be a lot more wary of them in the future, and if they ask me about it... well, that might be the open door for a 'real' discussion. But don't expect that you'll like what I have to say.
One might read these things and just kind of smile and nod. "Oh, she's venting." Sure, I guess. But I dare you to underestimate me. I've always been a very deep thinker. I process things thoroughly, and I often imagine conversations playing out. But I'm not confrontational. I wasn't the one to go up to someone and start a tough topic. Guess what? That's changing. Something I've been challenged to do in my conversations this year is be real with people. My friends and I aren't afraid to be honest. We call it how we see it, in as much love as possible. And we talk about the tough stuff. That was hard for me at first, but it's become really refreshing. I think people will be surprised at how much more up front I can be in conversations now. Things aren't rattling me as easy, and I'm not just going to gloss over something that I think we should talk about. That doesn't mean I think any less of you, or I'm any more mean. I'm just discovering how to voice my thoughts and be okay with that. If you don't like me for it, well....so be it.
* Free to Be Me, Francesca Battistelli
12.05.2010
"A thrill of hope... the weary world rejoices! For yonder breaks... a new and glorious morn!"
As is evident by this faabulous picture of the decorations in our window, our room is starting to look very festive. We've got icicle lights, snowflakes, a "stem" of a tree, and even some stockings! Everything is just so much home-y-er with all the decorations up. Cranking up the Christmas music from my newly created Pandora station! Gotta love it!
I'm trying to think of even what has gone on worth blogging about. Hmm.... it's almost finals week, and I'm surprisingly not that stressed. I've always treated finals, at least at LCC, as just another test. If I get in the "this makes or breaks my grade" mode, then my brain just gives up and goes into overload. So this weekend, I've just been trying to keep a "work/play" balance, like I normally would. I'm sure next weekend will be a little different, but ya know. :P
I've got to come up with some Christmas gift ideas for people! It's hard for me, since I usually struggle with creativity for the friends I know WELL. Let alone the ones that I've just started getting to know. Add in a college student's budget, and ... let's just say it's going to be interesting to see how it turns out. I'm home in like... 10 days! Wow!
It's so weird to get readjusted for such a short time. Because, really, I'm back into the "I like college" mood now. And I know that as soon as I'm home, I'll be in the "Yay, I'm home" mood. So confusing!! But it's good. It is. I'm constantly reminded why this was the right thing for me - just breaking out and starting new. I'm tired, but I'm so ... joyful.
Today, I walked to the Daily Grind to do my math homework, because I was just so unproductive sitting in my room. It's only a little over a half mile, and it was a great walk. After hanging out there for a few hours, I started the walk back, only to get distracted by my new favorite Pullman treasure - Bruised Books. :D It's such a cute used bookstore!! It's not really organized, books are kind of everywhere, but it's grouped by genre, which is enough for me to stay sane. And everything is a minimum of 50% off the cover price! I was such a happy person! Lol. So, explored there for a little while before coming back.
I guess that's all for tonight. :) I've just been so blessed this weekend. It's really been awesome.
*Oh Holy Night, traditional
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